Cheetah (August 17, 2015)

V: Papa, Tabitha bit me.
E: If she bit you, you would be screaming, not talking.
V: No, she did, it was a little, but I felt it.
E: Tabitha, don’t bite your sister.
T: I didn’t bite her.
V: Yes, she did.
E: Tabitha…
T: I was only pretending to bite her…because I am a cheetah.
E: Okay, let’s not pretend to bite your sister (trying to ignore the whole “cheetah” premise).
T: But I’m a mad cheetah.
E: Then be a happy cheetah.
T: I don’t want to be a happy cheetah.
E: I think cheetahs are happy animals.
V: Unless people bother them.
Fin

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Mortality (August 14, 2015)

V: Me and Tabitha will be the last ones to die.
E: Tabitha and I…
V: Tabitha and I will be the last ones to die.
E: That is probably true.
V: Unless we get squished by a car.
E2: You’re not going to get squished by a car.
T: Because then we would be DEEEAAAAD!
(parents look at each other)
E: Can we just finish our pizza?
Fin

Dinner (July 22, 2015)

V: Tabitha knows when she is going to throw up.
E: What? (traditional and standard response to random statements)
V: Tabitha knows when she is going to throw up.
E: Is Tabitha throwing up?
V: No. She knows when she is going to throw up.
E: Why are you saying this?
V: Something smells like throw up.
E: Maybe she pooped. Tabitha, did you poop? (fearing the potty training had gone awry)
T: No.
(At this point, the father gives the child in question a once over with eyes and nose)
E: She did not poop or throw up.
V: Oh. Maybe it’s dinner.
Fin