Vivi-Speak, Volume II

“My beans are dead.” = Refried beans.


Cowboy (September 16, 2013)


V: Yeah, that’s right, ride that bull, cowboy.
E2: Did you say “ride that bull, cowboy”?
V: Yeah, that’s right, ride that bull, cowboy.
(silent pause)
V: That’s what you say in Texas.

Dance Class (September 13, 2013)

E: How was dance class?
V: Weeeeeee haaaaadddd APPLES!
E: You had apples?
V: Weeeeeeee had Applefest! (special apple-centric day at school)
E: That’s great. How was dance class?
V: Why didn’t you pick me up from school?
E: I had an event after work.
V: Why didn’t you pick me up from school?
E: I just told you, I had an event after work and that is why Mama picked you up.
V: Are you going to put me to bed?
E: No, I’ll be at the event so Mama is going to put you to bed.
V: I like it when Mama picks me up and I like it when Mama puts me to bed because Mama is the best!
E: So…how was dance class?
V: Good.

Boobies II (September 8, 2013)

(Guest-starring the Mama)

V: I like your boobies better, Mama.
E2: Why’s that?
V: Because they stick out.
E2: Yours will stick out someday.
V: Well, they do a little bit.*

*For the record they most certainly do not stick out and are not allowed to do so for another 27 years…

Smirk (September 10, 2013)

Warning this “C with a T” contains information of a graphic nature…
(After a brief debate with her father on whether she should go potty or not–one in which she lost–V finds herself sitting on the toilet).
V: (starts to pee)
E: (with a smirk) Hmmmmmmmm…
V: I don’t like that.
E: You don’t like when I’m right?
V: Yes, because you make that funny face.
E: Dude, you’re gonna see that funny face a lot.
V: Hmmph.

Water (September 5, 2013)

V: (singing) Get me some water, get me some water, get me some water…
E: (patiently waiting on the magic word)
V: (singing) Get me some water, get me some water or I will pinch you…
E: (giving the “not amused” look and still patiently waiting on the magic word)
V: (still singing) Please…
E: Okay. (gets water for obnoxious singing toddler)
V: (singing) I need a napkin, too…

Boogers (July 30, 2013)

V: I had a really, really, really good breakfast.
E: Really?
V: Yes, I ate everthing.
E: Did you eat boogers?
V: No.
E: Then you didn’t eat everything.
V: Boogers are in your nose and you take them out and put them in a napkin and put them in the trash. They’re not food.
E: Oh. My bad.

Belly (June 12, 2013)

V: Papa, look at my belly.
E: It’s spectacular.
V: It’s full.
E: Yes, yes it is.
V: Like a baby’s inside it.
E: Ummmm…yes.
V: But it won’t come out.
E: No.
V: Because it’s food.
E: Oh, it will come out…when you make a grumpy.

Boobies (January 5, 2013)

V: Papa, do you have boobies?
E: No, I don’t have boobies?
V: Why?
E: Because boys don’t have boobies.
V: Why?
E: Because we weren’t made that way.
V: You had boobies yesterday.
E: I had boobies yesterday?
V: Yes, when you stand up.
E: I’ll be doing push-ups after I put you to bed.

Spanish (November 15, 2012)

E: Vivian, it’s time for dinner.
V: No esta aqui.
E: Do you know what “no esta aqui” means?
V: For Spanish.
E: Ummm, no it means “I’m not here” and you are definitely here.
V: (blank stare)
E: Would you like some pollo? Do you know what pollo means?
V: For Spanish.
E: It means chicken.
V: No, for Spanish.
E: That extra $25 a month at school is paying off.

Broccoli (November 2, 2012)

E: Vivian, eat some broccoli.
V: I don’t want to eat broccoli.
E: Why don’t you want to eat broccoli?
V: Because it’s bad.
E: It’s not bad.
V: It’s bad.
E: Why is it bad?
V: Because I don’t like it.
E: Well played.